The Art of Conversation: Gesture

Comprehends all movements of the body, and should be in accordance with the thought, which it is meant to enforce. The principal instruments employed are the head, arms, and hands. Pantomimic action at every word would be intolerable. Gesture, indeed, must be sparingly used; a mysterious action at the announcement of a simple idea, rude gestures in the midst of a friendly chit-chat, or the rapid movements of a person sitting or standing, who appears to be affected by St. Vitus' dance, are all offences against reason and good taste. He who wishes to please in conversation, must not neglect the art of gesture. It is not sufficient that he has a fine voice and speaks with expression: he must know when to give greater expression to his words by some graceful and appropriate movement, for there is nothing more fatiguing than the never varying motions of those automatons who seem to have neither soul nor sentiment.

Source: How to Shine in Society, or, The Art of Conversation: Containing its usages, laws, rules, application, and examples. (Glasgow: George Watson, 1860), 17-18.


Previous Sections:

• The Mouth

Etiquette of Smoking

Rules for Lovers of the Weed.

Smoking - that is to say, the smoking of men - hardly comes under the rules of etiquette, most men will declare. It is second nature, so incessant and inevitable a companion to man that few would bear an argument on the subject of its hygienic properties, or its propriety.
But aside from health and propriety (says a writer on etiquette). It must be admitted that there are times and places when and where men should not smoke. The modification of old-fashioned rules in this regard has made the lines faint, it is true, and there is no book on etiquette that does not reprehend as "unbecoming a gentleman" smoking in drawing-rooms, boudoirs, dining-rooms, restaurants, where now men not only are allowed, and invited to smoke, but where highly respectable women have been known to join them.

When in Ladies' Society.

Gentlemen in this country do smoke, when at home, in the drawing-room and dining-room, there is no doubt about that; that is, when the women of the family do not object. Most women have a decided objection to bedroom smoking; and it is not a wise practice on any account to use up the freshness of bedroom air. But putting aside old-fashioned prejudices, and out-of-date "notions" as many sensible dislikes of women are called, a man should never smoke anywhere without first assuring himself that it is not disagreeable to the ladies in the room and in the house. A gentleman paying an afternoon visit should not smoke unless others begin, and even then it should be someone in authority, and not a younger brother, for instance, or a "cheeky" caller who leads him on. He should never smoke before the ladies have left the dining-room except in unusual instances; he should not smoke when anyone - with a real voice - is singing, for tobacco smoke is death to vocal success, and causes great discomfort to singers, whose throats, being highly trained, are proverbially sensitive.

The Etiquette of Love, Courtship and Marriage III

"THE PURITY AND STRENGTH OF FIRST AFFECTIONS"

It is generally admitted that the first affections are the strongest and purest, and if they meet with corresponding feelings and impressions, they are indelible, for neither time nor circumstances can efface them from the mind. How guarded therefore we should be in the bestowment of them. How carefully should we keep them under proper control. The happiest marriage are the result of first affections, if the parties are only guided by prudence and discretion. Nothing on earth is so pure and holy as "first love." When the youthful heart first yields to the tender impressions of unsophisticated love, it as nearly resembles the innocent 'condition of our first parents in paradise as any thing in this life can possibly approach to. 'What would not the loving object suffer for the object beloved?' Would persecution, or imprisonment, or death itself be regarded? No! Such are the first feelings of love in a  noble mind. How far removed from all low views and selfish calculations is a first attachment. It has an ideal existence of its own, free from the grosser parts of our nature - a fortuitous heaven. A first lvoe is the poetry of heaven, and radiates the mind with the atmosphere of light and beauty. Sometimes a passing cloud will darken for awhile the brightness of its azure, but it is swept away by the next balmy breeze, and instead of tarnishing the glory or diminishing the beauty of the picture, it leaves it more lovely than before.


Such are the effects of a first attachment upon the heart. How necessary to use care and caution lest they should be unworthily bestowed. The happiness of after life in a great measure depends upon a first love.

Source: T.E.G., The Etiquette of Love, Courtship, and Marriage (London: Simpkin, Marshall & Co. ; Easingwold: Thomas Gill, 1847), 20-22.

Previous Sections: 

• The Etiquette of Love, Courtship, and Marriage I - LOVE, - GENERAL REMARKS
• The Etiquette of Love, Courtship, and Marriage II - FALLING IN LOVE

The Art of Conversation: The Mouth

It is a matter of very little consequence in conversation whether a man has a large or a small mouth, as there are no means of changing that which nature has allotted us. True philosophy teaches us therefore to be thankful for such as we have got, always provided that we get something to fill it with, honestly. There is nothing more absurd than the endeavour of some people when speaking to make their mouth appear small. The result is generally the most insufferable grimace, which it is possible to conceive, disfiguring a countenance. When one is told some extraordinary news it is natural enough to open the mouth and give vent to some such exclamation as oh ! or ah ! But then you must observe the manner in which you do so, and not allow every one to see the interior of the mansion with its garniture of teeth, jawbones, and other accessories. In laughing, it is much better to do so with the lips than to open the mouth wide to give vent to those great guffaws which often accompany great mirth. When you hear a story which interests or amuses you, you must guard against opening your mouth too widely. If ever you should have occasion to read in company, whether prose or poetry, melodrama, or classic tragedy, avoid by all means any approach to those convulsive movements of the mouth that are sometimes seen in people devoid of taste. And finally, you must always keep at a respectable distance from the person with whom you are conversing, as it is possible that you may be surprised by a sudden sneeze or unsuspecting cough, or by some other accident which might cause your friend to consider the propriety of providing himself with his umbrella the next time you accosted him.

Source: How to Shine in Society, or, The Art of Conversation: Containing its usages, laws, rules, application, and examples. (Glasgow: George Watson, 1860), 13-14.