The Etiquette of Love, Courtship, and Marriage II

"FALLING IN LOVE"

"Falling in Love" is a very common expression, though at the same time an expression which we do not altogether admire. It conveys the idea of a certain degree of fatalism - an irresistible fatality, which sways its sceptre over the heart and affections of the sexes, and must be yielded to either with or without reason. It is as common to hear people talk of a person "falling in love." as to hear of a person falling into a pit, or falling from a precipice, and the idea has been conveyed to youthful hearts that "falling in love" is a natural consequence that cannot be resisted.

Such notions have vulgarized and degraded the nature of true love. They have not unfrequently led to a yielding up of the heart to the first fits of excitement or passion. They have detracted from true love that high and holy character which it ought to maintain. They have destroyed that one existence in which lives all the finest feelings of which humanity is capable, and have poured into the Eden of life, a flood of degradation and death.

There are a variety of causes which may lead to a person's "falling in love." The heart of woman is generally so soft and tender when unadulterated with the specious flattery and deceitfulness of men that there is in them a precocious tendency to submit at once to this soft emotion. In many instances this may be considered an amiable weakness, but its amiability has been questioned; - not, however, without its mitigating circumstances. The heart of woman must cleave to some object. If a young girl has been so unfortunate as to lose her parents, and is without brother or sister, or any affectionate relative in the world, unto whom can she cling for friendship and solace? The bestowment of friendship, or the little attentions of kindness which etiquette demands from any gentleman, will seize with giant strength upon the affections of such an one.

Some woman are naturally so grateful, - so plentifully endowed with the "milk of human kindness," that this feeling carries away their hearts, and ere they are aware of the fact, they have actually "fallen in love." Love steals upon them like sleep stealing upon the senses, or like the rising sunbeams dispersing the shades of night: - it is warm, placid, and imperceptible.

For Fiancee and Bride.

Although more freedom of action is accorded by some parents to a girl when she is engaged to be married, the rule of etiquette, which prescribes that no young unmarried lady should enter society or appear at any public place of amusement without a chaperon, is not in the slightest degree relaxed, and it would be quite incorrect for an engaged couple to do so. At a dinner party it is customary to send an engaged couple into dinner together; but it is considered very bad taste for them, at a ball or dance, to dance or sit out too much together, or to make themselves conspicuous in any way by their behaviour. When the families of an engaged couple are not already acquainted it is the family of the gentleman, and not the lady, who should take the initiative in the matter by writing to the bride-elect and calling upon her and her parents, and these letters should be replied to at once, and the visits returned as soon as possible. Although it is the parents of the bridegroom-elect who take the first step in making an acquaintance, it is the mother of the young lady who sends the announcement of the engagement to the papers, and it is she also who writes and announces it to the relations and near friends of her family; and if from any cause the engagement should be broken off, it is the mother of the young lady who announces the fact.


When sending a wedding present, a letter should accompany it of congratulation and good wishes, and it is also a good plan to enclose with the present the card of the donor, and all presents received should at once be acknowledged by a letter of thanks, the bride-elect writing to all who have sent their presents direct to her, and the bridegroom writing to those friends who, being unacquainted with the bride, have sent their gifts direct to him. Should it happen that the engagement is not carried out, all wedding presents are returned to the respective donors. On the wedding day, the presents received are arranged on tables of various sizes for the inspection of the guests, and each should have the name of the donor attached to it, and for this purpose the cares enclosed with the present when sent are generally used.

Etiquette for Two.

Jerry (sulkily): You're uncommonly cool tonight.
Kitty (in a fascinating spirit of mischief): Oh, no; I am simply behaving well. I have been reading "Etiquette for Young Ladies," by Aunt Margery. Young ladies should not receive gentlemen alone.
Jerry (glowering): No?
Kitty: No. Ben and Clara are out, but papa and mamma and George will be down in a minute.
Jerry (with strong displeasure): Indeed?
Kitty: You may go and lay your hat on the hall rack; or you may hold it.
Jerry: Don't trouble yourself, pray.
Kitty: Oh, I don't mean to. It is not proper for a young lady to dispose of a gentleman's hat. It is only a shade less improper than helping him on with his overcoat.
Jerry (with heavy gloom): You've always done that for me.
Kitty: I blush to think of it. Aunt Margery would have been horrified beyond expression if she had seen me. But the worst thing, positively the most shocking, is going to the door with a gentleman when he takes leave.
Jerry (with sundry sweet recollections, savagely): I am gratified to hear it.
Kitty: I knew you would be. Aunt Margery says so, and she knows. I am so glad I have learned how to behave well. I shall endeavor not to forget anything. I wonder where papa and mamma and George are? It is so improper for me to be alone here with you. (Lapses into a stiff and wrathful silence.)
Jerry (brightening, after a wrathful five minutes): I was going to remark that I have been reading "Etiquette for Young Gentlemen."
Kitty: Yes.