Visiting, Morning Calls, Cards

A morning visit should be paid between the hours of two and four p.m., in winter, and two and five in summer. By observing this rule you avoid intruding before the luncheon is removed, and leave in sufficient time to allow the lady of the house an hour or two of leisure for her dinner toilette.

Be careful always to avoid luncheon hours when you pay morning visits. Some ladies dine with their children at half-past one, and are consequently unprepared for the early reception of visitors. When you have once ascertained this to be the case, be careful never again to intrude at the same hour.

A good memory for these trifles is one of the hall-marks of good breeding.

Visits of ceremony should be short. If even the conversation should have become animated, beware of letting your call exceed halfan-hour's length. it is always better to let your friends regret than desire your withdrawal.

On returning visits of ceremony you may, without impoliteness, leave your card at the door without going in. Do not fail, however, to inquire if the family be well.

Should there be daughters or sisters residing with the lady upon whom you call, you may turn down a corner of your card, to signify that the visit is paid to all. It is in better taste, however, to leave cards for each.

Unless when returning thanks for 'kind inquiries', or announcing your arrival in, or departure from, town, it is not considered respectful to send round cards by a servant.

Leave-taking cards have P.P.C. (pour prendre congé) written in the corner. Some use P.D.A. (pour dire adieu).

It is not the fashion on the Continent for unmarried ladies to affix any equivalent to the English 'Miss'  to their visiting cards. Emilie Dubois, or Kätchen Clauss, is thought more simple and elegant than if preceded by Mademoiselle or Fraülein. Some English girls have of late adopted this good custom, and it would be well if it became general.

Visits of condolence are paid within the week after the event which occasions them. Personal visits of this kind are made by relations and very intimate friends only. Acquaintances should leave cards with narrow mourning borders.

On the first occasion when you are received by the family after the death of one of its members, it is etiquette to wear slight mourning.

Umbrellas should invariably be left in the hall.

Never take favourite dogs into a drawing-room when you make a morning call. Their feet may be dusty, or they may bark at the sight of strangers, or, being of too friendly a disposition, may take the liberty of lying on a lady's gown, or jumping on the sofas and easy chairs. Where your friend has a favourite cat already established before the fire, a battle may ensue, and one or other of the pets be seriously hurt. Besides, many persons have a constitutional antipathy to dogs, and other never allow their own to be seen in the sitting-rooms. For all or any of these reasons, a visitor has no right to inflict upon her friend the society of her dog as well as of herself. Neither is it well for a mother to take young children with her when she pays morning visits; their presence, unless they are unusually well trained, can only be productive of anxiety to both yourself and your hostess. She, while striving to amuse them or to appear interested in them is secretly anxious for the fate of her album, or the ornaments on her étagére; while the mother is trembling lest her children should say or do something objectionable.

If other visitors are announced, and you have already remained as long as courtesy requires, wait till they are seated, and then rise from your chair, take leave of your hostess, and bow politely to the newly arrived guests. You will, perhaps, be urged to remain, but, having once risen, it is best to go. There is always a certain air of gaucherie in resuming your seat and repeating the ceremony of leave-taking.

If you have occasion to look at your watch during a call, ask permission to do so, and apologise for it on the plea of other appointments.

In receiving morning visitors, it is not necessary that the lady should lay aside the employment in which she may be engaged, particularly if it consists of light or ornamental needle-work. Politeness, however, requires that music, drawing, or any occupation which completely engross the attention, be at once abandoned.

You need not advance to receive visitors when announced, unless they are persons to whom you are desirous of testifying particular attention. It is sufficient if a lady rises to receive her visitors, moves forward a single step to shake hands with them, and remains standing till they are seated.

When your visitors rise to take leave you should rise also, and remain standing till they have quite left the room. Do not accompany them to the door, but be careful to ring in good time, that the servant may be ready in the hall to let them out.

A lady should dress well, but not too richly, when she pays a morning visit. If she has a carriage at command, she may dress more elegantly than if she were on foot.


Source: Routledge, George. The Well-Bred Person's Book of Etiquette. (Gloucestershire: The History Press, 1891), 16-19.

The Art of Conversation: Gesture

Comprehends all movements of the body, and should be in accordance with the thought, which it is meant to enforce. The principal instruments employed are the head, arms, and hands. Pantomimic action at every word would be intolerable. Gesture, indeed, must be sparingly used; a mysterious action at the announcement of a simple idea, rude gestures in the midst of a friendly chit-chat, or the rapid movements of a person sitting or standing, who appears to be affected by St. Vitus' dance, are all offences against reason and good taste. He who wishes to please in conversation, must not neglect the art of gesture. It is not sufficient that he has a fine voice and speaks with expression: he must know when to give greater expression to his words by some graceful and appropriate movement, for there is nothing more fatiguing than the never varying motions of those automatons who seem to have neither soul nor sentiment.

Source: How to Shine in Society, or, The Art of Conversation: Containing its usages, laws, rules, application, and examples. (Glasgow: George Watson, 1860), 17-18.


Previous Sections:

• The Mouth

The Art of Conversation: The Mouth

It is a matter of very little consequence in conversation whether a man has a large or a small mouth, as there are no means of changing that which nature has allotted us. True philosophy teaches us therefore to be thankful for such as we have got, always provided that we get something to fill it with, honestly. There is nothing more absurd than the endeavour of some people when speaking to make their mouth appear small. The result is generally the most insufferable grimace, which it is possible to conceive, disfiguring a countenance. When one is told some extraordinary news it is natural enough to open the mouth and give vent to some such exclamation as oh ! or ah ! But then you must observe the manner in which you do so, and not allow every one to see the interior of the mansion with its garniture of teeth, jawbones, and other accessories. In laughing, it is much better to do so with the lips than to open the mouth wide to give vent to those great guffaws which often accompany great mirth. When you hear a story which interests or amuses you, you must guard against opening your mouth too widely. If ever you should have occasion to read in company, whether prose or poetry, melodrama, or classic tragedy, avoid by all means any approach to those convulsive movements of the mouth that are sometimes seen in people devoid of taste. And finally, you must always keep at a respectable distance from the person with whom you are conversing, as it is possible that you may be surprised by a sudden sneeze or unsuspecting cough, or by some other accident which might cause your friend to consider the propriety of providing himself with his umbrella the next time you accosted him.

Source: How to Shine in Society, or, The Art of Conversation: Containing its usages, laws, rules, application, and examples. (Glasgow: George Watson, 1860), 13-14.