Left or Right? - Part 3 (Final)

To judge from the eagerness with which our correspondents pursue this point, we are induced to believe that it is one of national importance, probably not less urgent than the questions that have now occupied the attention of five or six hundred gentlemen for five nights. Indeed that this is a legitimate conclusion we have a more ancient authority than "Ambidexter," or "Hafiz," or "A Constant Reader." Louis le Grand, when told that something or other was only a ceremony, asked, "And is not the monarchy itself a ceremony?"


Having thus admitted the dignity of the subject, we proceed to such a grave consideration of it as may have the effect of setting all future doubts at rest. When a modest and discreet Alumnus of the University of Cambridge originally, and with befitting deference, referred this matter to our decision, we did not hesitate to give an opinion that ought to have been decisive. But the inconvenient modern practice, of setting up private judgement against decisions pronounced ex cathedru, induced a correspondent, calling himself "Ambidexter," to question our judgement. He availed himself  - dexterously we grant - of the fantastic tricks of certain architects in the construction of dwelling-houses to show that in particular cases our rule did not apply. He instanced the somewhat apocryphal existence of such modes of communication as passages, and the rare occurrence of central stairs, to prove that it was not always possible to give the wall to a lady. In the answer we gave to the plain question of our original correspondent we did not feel it necessary to lay down a code that should embrace every imaginable contingency; but, as the subject has since been mooted by two other writers, we will not shrink from the enunciation of a general rule. The following are the letters to which we refer :-

"TO THE EDITOR OF THE MORNING POST.

"Sire - Having seen in your valuable paper two articles respecting the custom of handing a lady from the drawing-room into the dining-room, I beg to offer my opinion, that when a gentleman hands a lady down stairs from the drawing-room he should, in ordinary staircases, always give her the wall; and if, as your correspondent "Ambidexter," in this day's Post, says, there is a central staircase, with a baluster on both sides, the lady should always in that case have the side of the baluster where the step is the broadest, whether it be right or left it matters not. In handing a lady from one room to the other it is the custom always to give the lady the right arm. - I beg to remain, Sir, your very obedient humble servant,

"May 7.                "A CONSTANT READER."

Left or Right? - Part 2

TO THE EDITOR OF THE MORNING POST.

SIR - Having a real and somewhat sensitive regard for the credit of the Morning Post, I cannot but feel a proportionate mortification and regret that you should have fallen so short of the mark in your rather oracular answer returned to a consulting question of so much social importance as that of "Juvenis," in your paper of Wednesday. May I respectfully beg of you accordingly to re-consider it, and give us something more generally philosophical and satisfactory.
"There is but one rule," you say, "in such cases, the gentleman gives the wall to the lady." Is it possible to be content with this solution? I will not open at large the more delicate bearings of the question, nor drag prominently forward the suspicions of a want of due gallantry to which you may have rendered yourself here liable, considering what sort of persons are proverbially said "to go to the wall." Any covert insinuation of that nature, I am well persuaded, was most remote from your intention. But your response is plainly contracted and partial, and not at all fitted to meet the comprehensiveness of the question proposed. You seem in the first place, to assume, as matter of course, a handing down stairs, into the dining-room.

Left or Right? - Part 1

TO THE EDITOR OF THE MORNING POST.

SIR - A dispute having arisen on a subject on which some bets have been made, we have agreed to refer to you for your decision in the matter (as being the best judge we could think of). It is this, viz. - Whether a gentleman handing a lady down to dinner should give her his right arm or left. If you would be kind enough to answer this in your next, you will oblige your constant reader,

JUVENIS.

Trin. Coli., Cambridge, Monday, April 26.

[We hold that there is but one rule in the case referred to: the gentleman gives the wall to the lady. Is it quite true that some two or three years ago the law was violated for a short time, like many other laws, for the sake of expediency. The ladies then - the more's the pity - wore enormous sleeves, and a proximity to the wall was considered dangerous to the contour of the manches bouffantes. During the continuance of this very absurd fashion, it became advisable to secure as much space as possible for the gigots, and the lady, therefore, preferred being placed next the banisters. But now that the sex have returned to something like their fair proportions, the necessity no longer exists, and the "majesty of the law" is vindicated. The lady resumes the post of honour - ED. MORNING POST.]

Source: The Morning Post, Wednesday April 28, 1841, Page 5, Issue 21929

For Fiancee and Bride.

Although more freedom of action is accorded by some parents to a girl when she is engaged to be married, the rule of etiquette, which prescribes that no young unmarried lady should enter society or appear at any public place of amusement without a chaperon, is not in the slightest degree relaxed, and it would be quite incorrect for an engaged couple to do so. At a dinner party it is customary to send an engaged couple into dinner together; but it is considered very bad taste for them, at a ball or dance, to dance or sit out too much together, or to make themselves conspicuous in any way by their behaviour. When the families of an engaged couple are not already acquainted it is the family of the gentleman, and not the lady, who should take the initiative in the matter by writing to the bride-elect and calling upon her and her parents, and these letters should be replied to at once, and the visits returned as soon as possible. Although it is the parents of the bridegroom-elect who take the first step in making an acquaintance, it is the mother of the young lady who sends the announcement of the engagement to the papers, and it is she also who writes and announces it to the relations and near friends of her family; and if from any cause the engagement should be broken off, it is the mother of the young lady who announces the fact.


When sending a wedding present, a letter should accompany it of congratulation and good wishes, and it is also a good plan to enclose with the present the card of the donor, and all presents received should at once be acknowledged by a letter of thanks, the bride-elect writing to all who have sent their presents direct to her, and the bridegroom writing to those friends who, being unacquainted with the bride, have sent their gifts direct to him. Should it happen that the engagement is not carried out, all wedding presents are returned to the respective donors. On the wedding day, the presents received are arranged on tables of various sizes for the inspection of the guests, and each should have the name of the donor attached to it, and for this purpose the cares enclosed with the present when sent are generally used.